Endings and Beginnings


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Its 1:30am here in Philadelphia.

10 years ago today I was packing my bags in Saudi Arabia, preparing to fly out to Toronto and then Philadelphia. I was going to college at the Art Institute and was relatively unhappy at the prospects of being in the US rather than home in Canada. Little did I know that in a few days time I would walk into the student dorm building in Center City Philly and meet a rather dashing Ecuadorian who would a year later become my husband and father to my two daughters


Fast forward to today and I am sat in a hotel room, listening to the content snores of my 8 week old and the murmerings of my 3 year old daughters.

My husband is back at our house, packing up the last bits that were left of our belongings before the movers come in the morning. We are finally leaving Philadelphia – the place I have called my home for a decade. Lobster got offered a job in Central New York that he just couldn’t pass up and its in an area that my best friend and many many other friends live in. This move will put me a stone’s throw away from Toronto which makes it much easier for me to see my family. I should be excited, I know… and part of me is. Very excited. I love moving – I love new beginnings.

But… a very large part me is so so very heartbroken at leaving my home of 10 years. Philadelphia has been so very good to me. Lobster and I used to joke that in a 4 block radius in center city was our entire relationship. We met the dorms, went to college together a few blocks away, got married at city hall (and then the mosque), graduated and got my first design job across the street from our dorms, met my best friends there at college, and discovered the city piece by piece over the years. Over the years we moved all over Philadelphia but never really left the city limits too far behind us. Philly always felt like home to me – I had been visiting the city since I was a teenager back in Toronto. It made sense that it would eventually become my home, where I would marry, start my career and birth two beautiful daughters.

Being in Philly had always afforded me the luxury of living 2 hours away from one best friend, and  4 hours away from the other. My brother from another mother, greg, would always visit us when coming back to PA from California. I got spoiled always being able to see all of my friends. They all came for my daughters births, the eldest’s birthdays, my birthdays, new years. We got very spoiled. This year I got to be pregnant at the same time as the bff from Delaware. But unlike how she saw my eldest grow up, I won’t necessarily be around as much now to see her daughter grow up. The finality in that is a little hard to swallow.


So its hard and its achingly sad just thinking about being a visitor to this place that I have fallen in love with. BUT life is about new beginnings after endings. I know where I am moving holds much love and support and friendship. It will test us and it will help us grow. The move is incredible for my husband’s career and the right place for our daughters to grow. Philadelphia can’t offer them the blue clear skies and wide open spaces for them to run through the way Central New York does. So its a move that makes sense. Logically I know this. Hearts, however, don’t always listen to logic. I just need to get my heart to agree and accept that this is God’s plan for us now and in this is much goodness. Here’s to the next 10 years and where they end up taking us.    


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